Times Like These
Today has been a shitty day. The very-costly-almost-brand-new riding lawn mower has decided to do nothing more than sputter and then die. I tried to fix it. The neighbor tried to fix it. We've both decided that the money-grubbing repair man is going to have to come sprinkle fairy dust on it to get it working again. The sod in my front yard has a fungus and is slowly dying. The lawn company that’s supposed to take care of it doesn’t handle fungus…only weeds. They couldn’t tell me this because I’m a lowly woman and why would I want to know that? They decide to tell my neighbor, THE MAN, who has the same problem. Now I’m left wondering what in the hell they have been doing with the shitload of money that I’ve been paying them? The nail pops in the walls are still there. The house needs power washed. And the funding to do all of this is disappearing quickly. To top off the day, the person who I thought would be in my life, as a friend, for years to come has suddenly decided that he no longer desires the position.
Its times like these that the all powerful me, who is happy being single and can deal with anything, feels very alone and very, VERY vulnerable. It’s times like these when I want to curl up in the fetal position, bury my head in the pillow and cry. Until it all magically disappears. Except there is no magic wand to make that happen. It’s times like these when I wish I would have married some poor sap along the way just so I didn’t have to deal with times like these. It’s times like these when I wish I had someone to take care of me. Someone who would hold me and let me cry and tell me it will all be ok. It's times like these when I want to run away and never come back that I realize I'm not as happy as I think I am.
Its times like these that the all powerful me, who is happy being single and can deal with anything, feels very alone and very, VERY vulnerable. It’s times like these when I want to curl up in the fetal position, bury my head in the pillow and cry. Until it all magically disappears. Except there is no magic wand to make that happen. It’s times like these when I wish I would have married some poor sap along the way just so I didn’t have to deal with times like these. It’s times like these when I wish I had someone to take care of me. Someone who would hold me and let me cry and tell me it will all be ok. It's times like these when I want to run away and never come back that I realize I'm not as happy as I think I am.
posted by xwy at 12:40 AM
12 Comments:
I know sometimes I think the same thing...what if The PK wasn't around? How would I handle it when the A/C braks down? Or the truck braks down? Or the roof leaks? He handles that kind of stuff...but I have put myself in the place where you are right now. It's kinda scary for me to think like that.
I'm not going to spout any bullshit here, I'll just say that I bet you're stronger and more self sufficient than you give yourself credit for....and sometimes that feeling can be SO rewarding.
Hey, you can always comes here and spill your guts and cry on our shoulders. ;)
Okay, my "e" key must be on the fritz because I KNOW how to spell "brakEs", okay???
Just one of those mornings, I guess....
;)
PQ - It seems I was having a pity party last night. But the party's winding down & I'm feeling a little better today. Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder!
Angie..
just thought I would stop by.. Retro- girl is a good friend of mine.. and I thought If you read her blog and comment you have to be interesting.. i was right.. I know the feeling of just wanting someone to take care of ya.. it took me years to find that someone.. and he does a great job..but I still have issues with wanting to do everything myself.. so.. rely on you hon.. you are stronger than you think.. and stop by my blog sometime.. or e mail me.. I always have a shoulder or an ear to lend..
Take Care
A little known secret from the male perspective. I told another friend the same thing recently. She was in this same zone of feeling. Here's the secret; Men get scared too. Yes we have ben taught to fix thigs. We have been taught to protect and serve, yet the uncertainty of things out of our control can scare us too.
And from that angle I would hope to have you understand that its a human emotion that causes us all, male and female, to 'fear our own fear' more than we fear the realities of life.
Big hugs.
And...we have also been taught to fix THINGS.
Honey we all feel this way from time to time. I'm happy to have someone to rely on but I am happy to know I can take care of myself and my daughter if need be. Believe me if you had a child you would be even MORE scared knowing they were relying on you as well. (now that really helped didn't it? Sorry!)
I hope your having a better day today, Sweetie.
Angie-
It's ok to have a pity party now and then..(you saw mine the other nite lol)..we all have em. Sometimes life gets overwhelming (or too underwhelming even)...When my hubby is gone for a week, everything around here usually falls apart and I'm left to fix it, rescue it or remove it..lol. It can be too much at times for one person! *HUGS* I know how ya feel.
Stacy's right--you are probably way more of a superstar than you realize..and can do anything you set your mind to.
The best way to look at it - is you are only 1 person. This is a big list...rank the list however you need (urgency, cost, or difficulty) and then work on one thing at a time...small goals. You'll get there....
Pity party last night? Did you see me there? I was in one too then... the morning after I can't help wonder "why on earth...?" and feel a bit embarrassed.
Tammy - Oh, what a day for you to stop by! Not one of my "finest" moments. lol. Thanks for lending a shoulder. I promise to stop by your blog!
Rick - You know, they may boot you out of the club if you keep letting out all their secrets! I can always count on you for the right words when I need them. Big Hugs right back at ya!
Cakes - You are so right. One of my friends pointed out that although I get down about carrying the burden myself, the same feelings apply when someone else is present to help...you just feel overwhelmed by different things.
Retro - I know better than to "eat the elephant whole" but sometimes, while nibbling on its tail, I can't help but stand up, look over it's rump and wonder if the damn thing will always be there! Thanks for the encouragement. :)
SJ - You were there??? I didn't see you or we could have cried on each other's shoulders. Hope you're feeling better today too!
All - One thing that always catches me by surprise is what a caring group of people reside in blogland. Thanks for all the kind words and encouragment. I'm sure I'm sure I'll be back to my evil self tomorrow...lol
everyone is entitled to have a cry and a "why me" kinda day. take care of yourself and everything has a way of working out.
Poet - Aaaww, thanks! I'm feeling much better.
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