Ain't Nothin Like the Real Thing, Baby
Warning: The post below should not be read if you are squeamish about discussing sex. Actually if you are squeamish about sex you probably shouldn’t read my blog at all. The website linked below is a little explicit…please be careful at work.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have solved my dating woes. I no longer need a man as I have found the sinulator. For $139.95 (plus shipping, sales tax and I’m sure a sin tax in some states), the good people at Sinulator will send me a dildo complete with USB hook-up and software. I can create an account for my new rabbit-eared friend (what a great Easter present!) and then anyone who knows my nickname can go in and, ummm, well, er…rev me up. Yes, guys, you control the action! If I don’t want to give my nickname to anyone I know, I can peruse their network and pick up a play mate (why do I keep envisioning Comic Book guy from the Simpsons??). It’s even wireless so I don’t have to sit at the computer to use it. Finally, someone found a way to make casual sex safe. And all these years I’ve been making men take me to dinner first. What the heck was I thinking???!!! If only I had known about this before my date with “the puker”!
You can even take a virtual tour of the dashboard controls. What man wouldn’t enjoy using this? It’s like combining sex with NASCAR and PlayStation. It even has cool “Bawm-chicka-bawm-bawm” porn music.
But wait, I wouldn’t want to leave the men out….
For $129.95, men can buy an interactive sleeve which allows them to control a Sinulator, using their, ummm, er…own thrusting action. NASCAR, PlayStation, porn music and an interactive sleeve….it’s every man’s dream….
But wait, there’s more…
The Sinulator has been rigorously tested (how did I miss that job ad?) and meets FCC Standards so it’s safe for both home and OFFICE use! (I can hear it now… “Excuse me, ma’am, but is your skirt vibrating?”)
Good-bye eharmony…hello Sinulator!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I have solved my dating woes. I no longer need a man as I have found the sinulator. For $139.95 (plus shipping, sales tax and I’m sure a sin tax in some states), the good people at Sinulator will send me a dildo complete with USB hook-up and software. I can create an account for my new rabbit-eared friend (what a great Easter present!) and then anyone who knows my nickname can go in and, ummm, well, er…rev me up. Yes, guys, you control the action! If I don’t want to give my nickname to anyone I know, I can peruse their network and pick up a play mate (why do I keep envisioning Comic Book guy from the Simpsons??). It’s even wireless so I don’t have to sit at the computer to use it. Finally, someone found a way to make casual sex safe. And all these years I’ve been making men take me to dinner first. What the heck was I thinking???!!! If only I had known about this before my date with “the puker”!
You can even take a virtual tour of the dashboard controls. What man wouldn’t enjoy using this? It’s like combining sex with NASCAR and PlayStation. It even has cool “Bawm-chicka-bawm-bawm” porn music.
But wait, I wouldn’t want to leave the men out….
For $129.95, men can buy an interactive sleeve which allows them to control a Sinulator, using their, ummm, er…own thrusting action. NASCAR, PlayStation, porn music and an interactive sleeve….it’s every man’s dream….
But wait, there’s more…
The Sinulator has been rigorously tested (how did I miss that job ad?) and meets FCC Standards so it’s safe for both home and OFFICE use! (I can hear it now… “Excuse me, ma’am, but is your skirt vibrating?”)
Good-bye eharmony…hello Sinulator!
posted by xwy at 7:00 AM
1 Comments:
All - The post was meant to be sarcastic. I appreciate your wonderful comments earlier today. It seems some do not find my views on cyber technology as funny as you did. I got a tinsy bit upset and deleted the post. Thought better of it and posted it again. Sorry I couldn't save your comments. Much love to all of ya ;)
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