A Question for the Guys
I have a question for the guys. It's perplexed me for some time. You see, women feel the need to get all prettied up in order to attract a guy. We spend lots of money buying products to make our hair silkier, hide our wrinkles and make our eyelashes darker so you'll notice when we bat them at you . We spend hours delving through magazines in pursuit of the right hair cut, more time in front of the mirror making it look just right and we carefully apply make-up to highlight our best features. We spend hours trying on every piece of clothing we own, to compose just the right outfit. We SAY that we do this to make us feel more attractive but, in reality, we do this for YOU. I mean really, have you ever seen an eye lash curler? It resembles a midevil torture device. Do you really think we use it just to impress ourselves? Please.
So, here's my question. I can do all of the above, go out to a bar and maybe get a guy to buy me a drink - maybe. But I can go to Home Depot in a tattered t-shirt, hair a mess - possibily with paint, dirt or grass clippings in it dependent on what home improvement project I'm working on and no make-up and get followed around the store by EVERY male sales associate in there? Now, I know it's their job to be helpful but staring at my ass is not helpful unless the directions for faux painting or changing the oil in the lawn mower are written on it. You guys know that I strive to understand the male species but please...clue me in...what is this phenomenon?????
So, here's my question. I can do all of the above, go out to a bar and maybe get a guy to buy me a drink - maybe. But I can go to Home Depot in a tattered t-shirt, hair a mess - possibily with paint, dirt or grass clippings in it dependent on what home improvement project I'm working on and no make-up and get followed around the store by EVERY male sales associate in there? Now, I know it's their job to be helpful but staring at my ass is not helpful unless the directions for faux painting or changing the oil in the lawn mower are written on it. You guys know that I strive to understand the male species but please...clue me in...what is this phenomenon?????
posted by xwy at 8:06 AM
24 Comments:
Three helpful points Stormy:
1. Most real men are in Home Depot, not in bars.
2. Your ass is lovely (most likely) with or without directions on it.
3. Men do love your getting lovely for us.
4. Stay out of bars.
Conclusion:
Get lovely and go to Home Depot, ask one of the sales associates you find attractive if he can come to your house and help you with some 'home' issues.
Of course, I can't comment on this, Angie...but you can bet your butt I'm taking notes on what replies you get (just in case The PK should ever dump me in the future!!!:)
Rick:
(1) I would agree
(2) I would agree...lol :P
(3) It's nice to know that my time is not wasted.
(4) I would agree
(5) I've tried that but I can't catch Tony Stewart actually IN Home Depot :(
PQ - I know...they are a perplexing group and that's why I'm trying to get all their little secrets out in the open to help us gain a little knowledge...you know, a competitive edge so to speak.
Storms,
On a more serious side of it, men are trained as boys and as young men to understand their caretaking role. We usually accept this role without question. The acceptance of it is driven by biology in large measure.
Therefore, we are always wanting to help, protect or shelter women. (Most of us that have accepted the biologic and cultural role anyway)
When you go to Home Depot the men there are responding to their natural role of 'helping you' with something.
Men in bars are really OK I'm sure, but there is not a biologic impulse to help you in any way. In fact men in that position are often unconciously protecting themselves from what they may view as a 'female setting traps'. Yes, I know that's harsh but we do think that way. That's why the fishing in a bar is usually only good for one-nighters.
We love our women to be lovely at all times. We also want to protect and help them.
When we meet a strong woman that needs no help and yet loves us for exactly what we are; and even despite what we are not, and when she even lets us help her though she really needs no help, GOLD MINE!
Hope that helps.
Do men notice makeup? Yes and no. We guys probably don't care about each individual aspect of your makeup but we notice the overall effect. We won't wonder about your lipstick and your hair spray and mascara and whatnot but we know a lovely face when we see it. And you must be a girl who looks good with or without makeup and who has a very stare-able ass.
I assume the bar you go to must be atleast half-full so even if the guys were staring at you you wouldn't notice. When the bar's full there is no room to follow around and you too most of the time are sitting down. Try walking around in a near empty bar and see the attention you get.
rick has some great comments and i will just add my take on the subject. i too try to understand the opposite sex, hence the post from friday. and since i got some very helpful replies, it's only fair that i try to help out my new friend Angie.
rick is right on the money, most real men don't have time to hang out in bars, they're busy doing things around the house, therefore they spend a lot of time at Home Depot.
i for one find less makeup and the natural look much more attractive. after all, i've spent way too many mornings being shocked at what's staring back after the make-up rubbed off on the pillow... if you need a visual, there's a great scene in the movie "About Last Night" with Demi Moore and Rob Lowe. the scene with the girl he picks up after he breaks up with Demi is priceless. "i've got a souffle in the oven and i called my mom and she said to invite you over for dinner..." sheesh.
anyway, i think we really need to see a pic of said butt, with or without instructions on it, to make an honest assessment. but i'm sure it matches the rest of the visual image i have of you.
and i really think most women get lovely for us, but subconsciously, they do it to compete with other women. why else would women spend so much time worrying about what other women are wearing at a party and talking about how they look? :)
i agree with the setting traps thing too, not cool. but if you honestly want help, i for one love to help out women at Home Depot and such. just last weekend my daughter and i helped some lady load some plywood into her SUV since she was having trouble. men have been ingrained with that protector gene, so if it works for you, use it. ;)
Rick - Interesting that you say that. I've long held the thought that strong women scare men. Sort of the "she doesn't need me" line of thinking. It seems to scare most men that I can find the alternator on my car, let alone that I actually know what function it performs. Maybe I need to play up the helpless routine a bit more? Ooooo, that one's gonna be tough.
I know this guestion is for the guys but i've got to add my two cents worth. While it's true we like to get all pretty for the guys, you would NOT believe how many guys are intimidated by a beauty queen (one who holds a title/crown). I think they definitely want a woman they deem is "approachable".
SJ - I'll try your theory next time and see what happens.
JD - Pictures of my boo-tay aren't going to happen. Guess you'll just have to hang out at Home Depot ;) OK, since you guys have been honest...we PARTIALLY get 'lovely' to spite other women but mostly, it's for your benefit.
Angie,
Seriously.. you should know.. we do most of the primping and preening thinking they will notice..they only notice that we have boobs and butts.. the rest is irrelevant..unless you happen to have food and makeup.. then they will tell you .. you look good.. but they really mean the food.. honestly.. I cut 5 inches off my hair one time and went from blonde to red.. my ex didn't notice for 2 days and then he says.. did you do something to your hair.. hmm wonder why he is an ex.. I can't say anything like that about my Ron.. but then again.. he is in no way to be considered a typical guy..
Cakes - I think that applies to all genders...it's the "out of my league" syndrome. Self-esteem is fragile. One whack is all it takes to make you think you don't possess the assets to compete in that market.
Jackt - Ok, sort of like being the last oreo in the cookie jar? Easier to get noticed? Now, why would you be intimidated to approach an attractive woman??
Tammy - heehee. I've had the same experience. We need to wear warning signs...poor things...help them out a bit.
Being something of a people watcher, I'm naturally more observant than average, but most men I know don't notice the details. They notice the big things (fat vs.thin, pretty or not) but little things like eyebrows and whatnot get ignored. Also, we find women attractive in sweat pants or a skirt. As a man I instinctively know that every single one of you, underneath all that clothing, is walking around completely naked.
Also, for me (although I doubt I'm the norm), I think most women look better in a natural state instead of made up. Makeup and stuff just looks artificial.
well, i love the comments. some very good points made. i agree with Grant, i try to see every woman the way she would look naked, not to be a perv, but to determine her attractiveness. so many women think that great clothes will make them look great, even though men are looking right past the labels and nice fabric etc.
yes, i notice cleavage a lot, more so than i do the size of the butt. mainly i like proportion, even though a woman being a little larger on top never hurt my feelings... ;) then again, i love breasteses of all shapes and sizes.
as for "out of my league" syndrome, i think some guys don't want the high-maintenance aspect of an overly gorgeous woman. yeah, we all want to say we did Cameron Diaz, but how many men actually want to live with her?
i love Joey's explanation on Friends about dating, where you can't date but one up or down on the scale. so if you're a 7, you can date 6s to 8s. i thought that was hilarious.
most really gorgeous women are with guys who couldn't give a shit what they look like, they're arrogant enough to approach any woman.
back to the original comment, i think you're very attractive, from what i've seen from the profile pic. forget the make-up, go out and have fun and be comfortable with yourself. a guy is more apt to notice that than anything else.
JD and Grant mentioned something interesting about looking thru clothes.....I sometimes laugh to myself when I see an overweight woman that has fancy fingernails,painted toenails, great clothes and hairdo, sparkly girlie sunglasses....i end up just seeing her as an overweight woman and thinking 'you gotta be kidding with all the glitter, perfume, nails and clothes' everyone can see you are just fat as can be.
Taking care of yourself and being attractive to men involves chapters and chapters more than just a hairdo, makeup and shiny nails.
As far as fearing strong women; I'm not so sure that is a reality. I think maybe we just wonder what do you need a man for exactly? That is a male reasoning vacuum that could stand cultural correction.
My goodness so many comments. I'm replying one at a time so as to soak it all in.
Grant - I think you've hit on something. I noticed a while back that guys notice lines - in other words your stomach doesn't have to be six-pack flat if you have noticeable curves. If I wear a shirt that I feel is a little too snug, my male friends compliment my look. They don't notice the little bulge that I notice, they see the lines. Getting to your point, it helps them imagine the nekkid-ness beneath the clothing.
Secondly, believe it or not, I think you are the norm. Most guys will say they prefer the natural look. We, as women, have a hard time believing it. Which is something we need to work on.
JD - I imagined you were a breast man. Although I agree proportion is what it's about.
I hadn't thought about high maintenance but you're absolutely right. It does factor into the decision.
Thanks for the sweet words. I think you've hit the nail on the head. Getting out & having fun is what gets you noticed. And let's face it...getting noticed is half the battle.
Rick - Absolutely right, there's more to being attractive than hair & make up. It was the one thing that most women have in common which was why I used it as an example. Let's face it if you're missing most of your teeth when you smile, it's not attractive no matter how great your body is....man or woman.
As for the 'strong woman' comment...that's exactly where I was going...It's not that a man isn't needed. Yes, I earn a good wage, have my own house, etc. But it doesn't mean I don't need a man, even a strong man. I'd love to not be the primary breadwinner (or even the only breadwinner). No matter how much a strong woman 'acts' like she has it together, she really is looking for help, even if it's only someone to help share the burden.
Aaaw, shucks, Denny. Of course, I'm still a girl and capable of saying girly things like...oooo, look at that pretty pink hammer...some things never change ;)
Pretty pink hammer LOL...no wonder they follow you around :)
(1) If the instructions were written on your ass, they'd be kinda difficult to read, wouldn't they. That's nt my idea of helpful.
(2) I watched a former-girlfriend apply makeup to her face for twenty minutes to make herself look exactly the same as when she started. When I teased her about this she said, "Right! Like I'm going to put on make-up so it's obvious that I'm wearing make-up."
(3) I think guys have an innate distrust of make-up and fancy clothes--as if the woman is hiding something. For the unmade beauty to wear t-shirt and jeans is tantamount to wearing a neon sign over her head reeading "What you see is what you get." Naturall, most men want what they see. If they didn't, the whole pornography business would be in the tank.
(5) I don't remember exactly who said this, but a famous actress (I think it was Sophia Loren) said "I dress for women. I undress for men."
(6) It might also be the case where you might be more relaxed at Home Depot, so your peersonality comes through and attracts men that way. In other words, since you're not trying so hard to be noticed, you're more apt to be noticed.
Doc, you forgot ESPN.
Xdell - All good advice. Most women don't like their make-up to be noticeable...otherwise you end up looking like Tammy Faye Baker & all the other women make fun of you.
Doc - But I already know about this stuff:
Sex - preferred in mass quantities
Beer - see above
Food - anything covered in melted cheese or chili...must go with beer.
HBO - this one kind of perplexed me but I'm assuming there's a nudity factor. Or it has something to do with memorizing all the words to a movie so that you can repeat them to other guys & laugh about it.
ESPN - Remember, I watch football & auto racing...my TV is set to ESPN/Speed Channel most of the time (on the weekends).
I highly doubt I've turned you down for a dance...unless you hang out in Marietta or Gwinnett...then there's a slight possibility.
Ok, we'll do that someday, but don't be surprised when you can't pull me out of Home Depot :)
You write: "Ok, we'll do that someday, but don't be surprised when you can't pull me out of Home Depot :)"
I don't doubt it, since got guys crawling all over you at the Home Depot:-)
I really enjoyed all of the comments..Great idea Ang..the guys had a lot of great feedback!
I think guys like a girl who is down to earth and can show she is "real" (the paint spatters, grass clippings, etc) and isn't afraid to try things, and be herself. Plus if you got a cute booty that helps LOL!!!
I agree, Home Depot is awesome!! I love Lowe's too. I think it's a great place versus a bar for you to meet real, genuinely cool guys..versus the Larry the Lounge Lizard types at bars...lol
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