3 Questions
Before I even start this post, if you've read my blog for any amount of time you know that I promote healthy communication between men and women. Understanding how to communicate with the opposite sex is paramount to a healthy relationship. I was asked the following questions recently, by a man. I thought the questions and my answers would foster good discussion. However, this is not about male bashing. I love men and bashing them won't fly well on my blog.
What do you find most frustrating about men?
Male bravado. I love strong men. However, some men take this too far and assume that to be strong they must hide every emotion they have, had in the past or will ever have. Now, I will agree that showing all your cards at once spoils the mystery of a new relationship. However, at some point, the ability to admit that you actually are capable of showing emotion about something other than a football game would be nice. I mean is it really so hard to say "hey, I think you're cool and I'd like to spend some time with you?" I'm not asking you to say the L word. I'm not asking you to spill your emotional garbage. I'm just asking that once in a while you let a teeny, tiny inkling slip that you may possibly, enjoy my company. There, was it that hard? And 7, X...before you even ask...once in a while is defined as...oh...every 2 months.
The biggest mistake men make in relationships?
Not being able to apologize. I'm not talking about the "yes, dear" apology but rather when you really, really feck up. Holy freakin' frog toes...apologize. Saying you're sorry (and genuinely meaning it) will obliterate the resulting anger and tension. Ignoring the situation minimizes my feelings and will only serve to incite me.
The biggest mistake men make in regard to sex?
I've said it before but I'll say it again...not taking their time. There's no rush. No one's going to congratulate you for hitting the finish line in under 10 minutes. Women have to be relaxed in order to orgasm. How am I supposed to relax if you're rushing me through it? (Ok, sometimes rushing is good) Take your time. Explore a little. We've talked about the spot behind my ear before...how will you know it's there if you don't explore? The key word...FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY, F-O-R-E-P-L-A-Y. Even outside the bedroom...massage my neck, kiss me when I'm not expecting it..it's all foreplay and it all reaps the same reward. The benefit is I'll be so worked up I'll be more likely to initiate sex...or I'll rip your clothes off and do you on the kitchen floor. Either way, wouldn't that be nice for a change?
And guys...help a girl out... sharing any dating tips, sources of frustration about women, etc. is appreciated. Making me aware prevents me from making the same mistakes.
*And thanks to my friend for the questions. ;)
What do you find most frustrating about men?
Male bravado. I love strong men. However, some men take this too far and assume that to be strong they must hide every emotion they have, had in the past or will ever have. Now, I will agree that showing all your cards at once spoils the mystery of a new relationship. However, at some point, the ability to admit that you actually are capable of showing emotion about something other than a football game would be nice. I mean is it really so hard to say "hey, I think you're cool and I'd like to spend some time with you?" I'm not asking you to say the L word. I'm not asking you to spill your emotional garbage. I'm just asking that once in a while you let a teeny, tiny inkling slip that you may possibly, enjoy my company. There, was it that hard? And 7, X...before you even ask...once in a while is defined as...oh...every 2 months.
The biggest mistake men make in relationships?
Not being able to apologize. I'm not talking about the "yes, dear" apology but rather when you really, really feck up. Holy freakin' frog toes...apologize. Saying you're sorry (and genuinely meaning it) will obliterate the resulting anger and tension. Ignoring the situation minimizes my feelings and will only serve to incite me.
The biggest mistake men make in regard to sex?
I've said it before but I'll say it again...not taking their time. There's no rush. No one's going to congratulate you for hitting the finish line in under 10 minutes. Women have to be relaxed in order to orgasm. How am I supposed to relax if you're rushing me through it? (Ok, sometimes rushing is good) Take your time. Explore a little. We've talked about the spot behind my ear before...how will you know it's there if you don't explore? The key word...FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY, F-O-R-E-P-L-A-Y. Even outside the bedroom...massage my neck, kiss me when I'm not expecting it..it's all foreplay and it all reaps the same reward. The benefit is I'll be so worked up I'll be more likely to initiate sex...or I'll rip your clothes off and do you on the kitchen floor. Either way, wouldn't that be nice for a change?
And guys...help a girl out... sharing any dating tips, sources of frustration about women, etc. is appreciated. Making me aware prevents me from making the same mistakes.
*And thanks to my friend for the questions. ;)
posted by xwy at 9:45 PM
26 Comments:
I got it!!!
Q1. No problem I am not the strong and silent type esp not silent.
Q2. Errr ... ummm...ah. Can't be used more than once is it? Ok... intresting.
Q3. FOURplay I agree is good. You, me, The Stiltwalker, and you can choose #4. Nice!!
I completely agree with sj Fourplay is a good thang. I've only had three girls at a time once, before but you are right for sure, it was very good.
And, are you pickin on ol Seven? You spoilin for a fight young lady?
SJ -
(1) I would never mistake you for the silent type
(2) Ummm, you may get by with it x2, after that you will find your clothes have jumped out of the closet and landed in the front yard
(3)Oh, you're letting me choose? How thoughtful of you! I choose...(right, like I'm THAT stupid)
7 - Not looking for a fight...more like heading you off at the pass. I knew either you or X would ask the question. Wait...would fighting include wrestling around on the floor???
Men!!! Why is it that you assume increased quantity equals increased quality?????? lol.
Ummm.....four raises the level of percentage that quality will present itself...speaking strictly as a pseudo mathematician (my minor)
Dependent of course upon the subset from which the 4 unknown variables are drawn.
I've been known to rassle a lady or two, but I'm kinda gentle about it. And you will be pleased to know I take my time about the pinning part...
HEY! I can access your blog today! VERY cool. Since they put in that crappy "ratings check" thingie here at work, I never know who I'll be able to read on a day to day basis!!!
"Not being able to apologize"
Although I agree with every single thing you listed, the quote above HAS to be one of the top things that pisses me off about The Peanut King. We've been together going on 15-16 years and I think he's apologized to me maybe three...four times. And let me tell you, I KNOW he has f*cked up WAY more than that, know what I mean???
7 - Oh, sort of like my new dating philosophy...increasing the number of men increases the possibility that ONE will not be a complete loser...interesting. So...what happens after you pin me???? ;)
PQ - I was afraid the word 'orgasm' would prevent you from accessing. You would have thought THAT would have been objected to by the censors! Xactly...I don't see it as a sign of weakness to apologize. If anything I see it as a sign of strength...that they are aware of their mistake and man enough to admit to it. Sheesh!
Angie, your new dating philosophy (as stated in your reply to the Peanut Queen) rocks!!!
Cakes - Yes, I've found that it works quite well...if one proves to be an idiot, I just replace him with another. I'm actually in the process of replacing one now....anyone know an intelligent man who's not afraid to apologize AND doesn't think an orgasm should be preceeded by a 10 minute sprint to the finish?
Angie, I love you.
You're right. That isn't hard to say. In fact, I think I can say that two months from now.
I see a common element to these three responses, namely the tendency of males to be self-absorbed--establishing one's self as the leader in the relationship; refusing to take responsibility, and instead thrusting that responsibility onto her; and wanting easy gratification without, sometimes, acknowledging the presence of his partner.
I don't think this is male bashing at all. I can't even say that I have never been guilty of doing the very things that tick you off (except for response #3--I like to take my time). The only thing I know to do is to make a better effort to be sensitive.
I'm curious: you said that this is what annoys you about men in their relationship to women. Except for item three, I would guess the other two apply to men in non-romantic situations as well. Do the same things annoy you if the guy's just a friend?
You are tagged. Read muy blog for details...
*MY blog
X - Yes, but can you say it and mean it? ;)
I thought your question would be simple to answer but it turned out to be much more complex. The answer is two-fold. (1) I think it's a matter of moderation. We can all be self-absorbed at times (yes, I admit to it). If those times are infrequent then I tend to be more forgiving when they occur. If those times are frequent, then I'm less forgiving...or I guess I quickly tire of dealing with them. So, regardless of boyfriend or friendly boy...moderation is the key word.
(2) I also believe that people are the way they are for a reason which is usually invisible to us until we have an indepth understanding of their personality. What I'm trying to say is...if they're acting self-absorbed in an attempt to disguise the little boy inside who desperately wants to be loved but is afraid of being hurt then I will react differently to the situation than if I feel they're just being a pompous ass.
Now that I've written an entire post, *yawns* I'm going back to bed.
SJ - Saw your tag...will try to work on it for next week.
Well, as much as it is realistically possible for someone to care about a person he's never met and who's 600 miles away from him physically, yes. I mean it.
Awww, X...love coming right back at ya, sweetie!
The apology issue is a good point...Typical too.. lol. Unfortunately.
I hate when a man has an innate inability to recognize when he has made clutter and clean up after himself...and that he can walk thru a room and step over/around a pile of clutter (undoutably created by him) and not ever have the urge to pick it up.
My fantasy is to have a man walk thru a room, and be aware of his surroundings...and out of total free will say to me "Hmm. This room could use some spiffing up" and quickly pick up stuff, straighten a few things, and perhaps touch a broom/vaccum without going into 911-allergic-reaction status. LOL... *Fanning myself* Now that's Hot.
RG - That's too funny...I had this same discussion with a girlfriend last night about her husband's inability to touch a mop.
this is not MEN bashing. this is MY experience. when i was married, i was the 'dutiful' wife. i cooked, i cleaned,i baked fresh homemade molasses cookies from his mother's recipe, i inititated, i worked side by side with him on the farm, on all fronts, birthing calves and mending fences. when the housework began to slip, (i only worked 40+ hrs in a nursing home AND did house work, and looked after the farm, cattle and inlaws on their death beds, he would have the nerve to get all pissy about the state of the house. that really annoyed me. and he never EVER said he was sorry for any of the things that he had said or done to me. he was ungrateful and miserable to live with and i for one don't miss that for a second. love men all you want. i have not heard anyone i know say much good for them. i mean, they never apologise for their misgivings, they are untidy, and would not touch a mop or broom if the health department was called.(and they probably would call) sorry. i'm happier with k and the cats, thanks.
Poet - Wow, your ex sounds like a real winner (sarcasm). Believe me, my father was physically and mentally abusive so I wholeheartedly agree that some men deserve to be buried in a fire ant mound. But, quite frankly, so do some women. Sadly, there are people in this world that don't get it and never will no matter how hard we try.
There are men in this world who can be respectful, caring and sensitive to their partner's needs. Those are the ones I love to be around.
I'm glad you found happiness with K after everything you endured. After all, that's what it's all about..right?
Some men are great. Some men aren't. The same can be said for women. I think your issues are ones that I've seen with guys a fair bit. Therefore, addressing them is a good idea. However, I'm just glad that Alex's only problem is that he snores...haha!
Crap. That last post was me :P
thanks for the tips. and i am sorry!!!!!! ;) i want a chance to find that spot behind your ear. ;)
Kira - I knew it was you when I saw Alex's name. Let me just say if I had a man as good as Alex, I'd let the snoring slide :)
JD - That's what I like...a man who apologizes BEFORE he's done anything!!
Buried in a fire ant mound! Whewww...I think I saw that in a western movie once....except some poor cowpoke was tied 'on top' of it I think. Danged Indians, that would really be a bad day..
hey, you can just credit my account. wouldn't want to be in arears, or maybe... ;)
Angie, I saw your comment on Kira's blog and thought, "Did I go back and say something else to Kira?" (I'd posted earlier and my real name's Angie. But it sounded like something I'd say, so I was confused for a few minutes.) Anyway, I had to come visit the blog of a fellow Angie. And glad I did - delightful post!
7 - You're losing your accent...I believe the proper term would be 'injuns'.
JD - Credit applied.
Jaded - Well, that could be confusing!! Thanks for stopping by!
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