Corporate Wisdom
The mega company I work for in it's infinite rendering of corporate wisdom has decided that we all must have our IM up at all times. The wisdom behind this is that (a) IM provides instant access while I'm in 1001 daily meetings and (b) IM times out after a certain period of inactivity giving Big Brother yet another way of tracking my productivity. This is a reversal of policy over the last 2 years when I have received a bazillion + 1 emails about the need to pay attention during the 1001 daily meetings and that the sounds of keyboards being crunched in the background was distracting and answering "could you repeat that" in meetings because I was working (shame on me for working while at work) instead of paying attention was a waste of the other participants time. Note: these were all employee emails, not directed specifically to me because I am a MODEL employee who spends meeting time reading blogs and responding to personal emails.
I protest at the arrival of each one of Big Brother's new monitoring techniques. Eventually, I give in because of my need for a paycheck but my disgust is duly noted by my manager. Besides, my work allows me not to be tied to the computer so Big Brother has a hard time tracking me. And as is the course of all new technology at big corporations, the employees have already figured out how to use IM for their benefit (i.e., making fun of others during conference calls, getting lunch orders, etc).
The other day I was on a conference call for the hundredth time about a project that should have been wrapped up weeks ago but there were "a few more questions". Being a model employee, I had IM open so that I could be reached in case of emergency. I had already explained to the facilitators of this call that I don't perform the functions in question and that it would probably be a good idea to question the people who are actually responsible for that area. [Am I not brilliant? I'm surprised I'm not CEO yet.] I'm on the call with my partner in crime who is also growing tired of this line of questioning. After repeating my stance once again, my IM dings. While the facilitator is babbling on, I read the IM from my cohort:
Feeling solidarity in his words of wisdom, I busted out laughing. Which wouldn't have been a bad thing...if my phone had been on mute. The call went silent. I apologized for the interruption and the facilitator went back to babbling while I replied to the IM in a rather scathing manner (while still not on mute so I'm sure they heard the keyboard).
I'm fairly certain the next set of emails will instruct me to not answer IM during meetings because the sounds of keyboards being crunched in the background is distracting and answering "could you repeat that" in meetings because I am working instead of paying attention is a waste of the other participants time. If you work at a large corporation long enough, everything circles back around.
I protest at the arrival of each one of Big Brother's new monitoring techniques. Eventually, I give in because of my need for a paycheck but my disgust is duly noted by my manager. Besides, my work allows me not to be tied to the computer so Big Brother has a hard time tracking me. And as is the course of all new technology at big corporations, the employees have already figured out how to use IM for their benefit (i.e., making fun of others during conference calls, getting lunch orders, etc).
The other day I was on a conference call for the hundredth time about a project that should have been wrapped up weeks ago but there were "a few more questions". Being a model employee, I had IM open so that I could be reached in case of emergency. I had already explained to the facilitators of this call that I don't perform the functions in question and that it would probably be a good idea to question the people who are actually responsible for that area. [Am I not brilliant? I'm surprised I'm not CEO yet.] I'm on the call with my partner in crime who is also growing tired of this line of questioning. After repeating my stance once again, my IM dings. While the facilitator is babbling on, I read the IM from my cohort:
Try sign language. English isn't working.
Feeling solidarity in his words of wisdom, I busted out laughing. Which wouldn't have been a bad thing...if my phone had been on mute. The call went silent. I apologized for the interruption and the facilitator went back to babbling while I replied to the IM in a rather scathing manner (while still not on mute so I'm sure they heard the keyboard).
I'm fairly certain the next set of emails will instruct me to not answer IM during meetings because the sounds of keyboards being crunched in the background is distracting and answering "could you repeat that" in meetings because I am working instead of paying attention is a waste of the other participants time. If you work at a large corporation long enough, everything circles back around.
posted by xwy at 9:56 PM
24 Comments:
I used to work for a mega corporation. I vowed never to do it again if I could help it. Besides, I hate wearing ties.
I saw wild and woolly things at the place I worked (which will remain nameless.
Seems as though corporate life is like seeing things through the looking glass. I don't envy you one iota.
I used to work for GE. Same sort of shit. It's a joke. I'm glad I don't work in that environment anymore!!
There is nothing better than receving and IM/e-mail that sends you into giggles in the middle of a conference call. I have finally learned (yeah, watch me blow it today) not to read until I"m on mute.
Ha Ha now I know what to do with brown-eyed girl in those moments of exasperation. Try sign language, cuz English isn't working...ha haa Thanks for the tip!
Honey ain't that the truth. I work for a mega bank a.k.a. the crying cow bank and the minutae stupid stuff is stultifying. Keep your chin up and keep collecting that paycheck!
X - I simply can not imagine you at mega corp (especially that one). It seems that your talents are put to much better use in academia....teaching all the little blog children how to separate truth from untruth :)
Cherry - I wish I could find a way out that would support me in the manner I'm accustomed to....but dammit, I can't find a rich, old guy with one foot in the grave. Oooo, then I could have a pool boy named Javier...Oh, sorry! Drifted off there for a moment.
Jazzi - Usually, I keep my phone on mute but this was one of those calls where I had to talk (drat!). My brain immediately thought "on phone, mute on." That's what I get for thinking!
7 - Since I LIKE brown-eyed girl, I'd advise you not to try that. I get the feeling the sign you'd receive in return would probably not be the one you wanted.
Cakes - Amen, sista!
Yes, you are brilliant, which is why you're not CEO. Stupidity is rewarded - hard work is rewarded with more work.
If you care, my word verification was "hqbobbbg". Say that five times fast.
Grant - According to my most recent conference call, hard work is rewarded by having others audit your work because your focus is on quality and while theirs is on cost. Sometimes I feel like the lone guy standing in Dallas pointing at the grassy knoll while everyone runs to the book depository. Sorry...had to rant for a second. And hqbobbbg back at ya.
I'm thinking of changing careers...does anyone know if the Italian soccer team needs a water girl?
If your mega-corp is big enough to use vendors, that's the way to go. Somebody else has to justify your salary and they'll defend it to the death (even if they can't remember what you do). Otherwise, they lose the budget and the prestige that somehow comes with it. Welcome to Dilbertville.
whiteguy - welcome to my boo-hoo rant for the day. We do use vendors, that's the source of my current migraine. I've decided the only people happy in corporate America are the ones that don't care. I think I'll go join them.
Thanks for stopping by...I promise, I'm usually more fun than this!
Storms, Storms, Storms
Now you KNOW you would not be content to give them only water...
7 - After almost 10 years of cleaning up messes and wiping their collective ass, I think it may actually be time to hand back the t.p. and latex gloves and set the cruise control for a while.
Know any rich, older gentlemen?
Yes, many. But they play golf in the morning, watch the market, take naps in the afternoon. Not that much fun, really. Most of them have trusts where excess money goes to the kids and grandkids instead of to second or third wives because they are all very wary. Sorry.
It's ok..wouldn't be good move anyway...eventually I'd be right back to cleaning up messes and wiping again. I think I'll hold out for the water girl position. I got my own jugs!
lmao, too funny. i need a job like that. ;)
JD - glad my misery could provide you so much joy.
Grant - my verification...suckfvpu
I think that means I win.
no, not your misery, but the way you wrote about it. it was very funny. ;)
JD - Funny was how I originally intended it. My comment was meant to be sarcastic, but reading it again...it sounds a little mean. Not the way I intended it. *smooches*
I think Anna Nicole Smith has written a self help book on that kind of thing. Refer to that. Might come in handy!
Re Javier: Does he have a friend that could 'clean my pool' called Eduardo that doesn't speak English?
You already know how I feel about Big Brother.
Bunch of asswipes is what they are.
I'm going to hit the lotto this weekend...want me to swing by in my leer jet and pick you up on my way to Costa Rica? :)
I'm happy to see that I'm not the only one here who equates corporate drudgery with neo-serfdom.
Cherry - I hope she didn't have to consumate that marriage...eeeewww. And yes, I believe Javier does have a friend who's good at 'cleaning pools'...he does it with a very long stick. If that's ok, I'll send him right over!
PQ - Yeeeeeessssss, I'll have my bathing suit packed and Javier hog-tied!
X - No, I've cleaned up the remains from enough broken projects that were touted as 'fantastic ideas' as evidence that a caste system exists in corporate culture.
caste system, lmao. i love the insight into the corporate world, now that i have to grow up and get a real job. ;)
JD - You've been in combat, correct? It's very similar. Watch out for the friendly fire & double agents and you should be just fine.
Post a Comment
<< Home