Inevitable
Ever started seeing a guy only to find out he was married? Or that he was cheating on you? No need to threaten to chop him into little pieces and puree him in the blender for now there is a website where you expose the seedier side of his personality.
I guess since the invention of the web it was inevitable that something like this would come along. I'm actually a little surprised this type of site didn't appear sooner. The concept is intriguing. According to the site, you can empower other women by relating your bad experiences and therefore, save them from the heartache that you endured. Admittedly I checked to see if any of my former beau's were in the database (stop sweating - none of you were). But then I wondered, at the point when the deception in the relationship was revealed, would I have entered any information on my former beau? Would I use this site to find information on a prospective beau?
If I met someone who I suspected was married I might be tempted to use the site. Otherwise, I just don't think I would...for one major reason. If experience has taught me anything it's that one woman's trash is another woman's treasure. Just because I had a bad experience with someone doesn't mean that the next woman will have the same experience. Even if a prospective beau was listed on the site by someone as being less than desirable, I'd take it under advisement but it wouldn't necessarily stop me from dating that person. Maybe that makes me naive. I always have had to find things out for myself.
And, by the way, where's the site to expose women who do the same thing to men?
I guess since the invention of the web it was inevitable that something like this would come along. I'm actually a little surprised this type of site didn't appear sooner. The concept is intriguing. According to the site, you can empower other women by relating your bad experiences and therefore, save them from the heartache that you endured. Admittedly I checked to see if any of my former beau's were in the database (stop sweating - none of you were). But then I wondered, at the point when the deception in the relationship was revealed, would I have entered any information on my former beau? Would I use this site to find information on a prospective beau?
If I met someone who I suspected was married I might be tempted to use the site. Otherwise, I just don't think I would...for one major reason. If experience has taught me anything it's that one woman's trash is another woman's treasure. Just because I had a bad experience with someone doesn't mean that the next woman will have the same experience. Even if a prospective beau was listed on the site by someone as being less than desirable, I'd take it under advisement but it wouldn't necessarily stop me from dating that person. Maybe that makes me naive. I always have had to find things out for myself.
And, by the way, where's the site to expose women who do the same thing to men?
posted by xwy at 8:31 AM
25 Comments:
Angie..
I couldn't agree with you more.. My sweet wonderful Ron is a great example.. His ex tried to tell me things about him while he and I were dating.. I told her.. " I am a big girl.. I can judge for myself.".. Just because they didn't work.. didn't mean that he and I wouldn't work.. Different people different chemistry.. Ron and I are about to celebrate our 3rd anniversary and we fall more in love each day.. I also agree there should be a site for guys to list their stories about women.. nothing annoys me more than for women to act like we are the only ones that get hurt or cheated on.. there are some pretty crappy women out there too..
Take care
Tammy J
I have had a tangential type conversation with a female friend on a couple of occasions. I am fascinated by what I observe in the genders on this issue. As I read various blogs I see lots and lots of man/husband bashing. More than I care to see; very often I just stop reading a post in mid-post out of disgust knowing it is being offered to the entire world for discussion.
What I know about my gender (and I am around them all the time) is that they do not talk about their girlfriends or wives to one another in a negative fashion unless there is some EXTREME duress in the relationship. I'm serious, we don't do this. Women will complain about anything about their guy at the slightest invitaion.
I don't think you will see a site from men simply because we don't do this type thing. It's the type thing women do.This probably sounds very sanctimonious of me. I don't intend it that way. I am offering an observation about gender behavior, and honestly on this one we have you gals soundly beaten in terms of respectful discourse about our girlfriends or wives when in open company. Just my 2 cents.
Grant couldn't get his comment to post so sent it via email:
"I didn't visit the site you linked, but I have heard of it. Does anyone verify the veracity of the claims, or are they just relying on the honesty of the person who submitted it. Anonymous women who think they have had a bad relationship experience are probably not the most reliable witnesses."
Tammy - I love hearing stories about you and Ron. It gives me hope! And I agree, there are some pretty crappy women out there too!
Grant - No, they don't verify the comments posted which is another reason I don't think I would use the site. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned....
7 - I don't believe in man bashing, which I think you're aware of. In life we meet all types of people. Some we find compatible to our own ways and become friends with. Others aren't so compatible. It happens in all aspects of life. Just because I don't have a good experience with someone doesn't mean they won't turn out to be someone else's treasure.
As for the gender analysis, I don't know that I agree. I have met men who openly bash their ex's. Whether this is due to the proximity to the situation (maybe they still have to have contact with them or maybe they're just not over the situation) or it's a personality trait...I don't know. Quite frankly, I rarely openly bash my ex's to others...my closest friend - yes - but usually not to total strangers. So, I'll put my thoughts on the table that this is a personality trait...a coping mechanism maybe...rather than a gender issue. :)
I think the site was hilarious!!! I looked over all the names from my state to see if there was anyone I knew... LOL. I wonder if the owners of the site are under any legal liability here?? Any lawyers out there?
You are absolutely, positively right girlfriend. Stacy might have been his exes "trash" but he's definitely my "treasure". You wise woman, you :)
Oh yeah and i'm all for the equal opportunity exposing also.
Gary - They've already been hit with a lawsuit over that issue. It will be interesting to see the outcome. I'd think it's a very gray area. If one of you bashed someone in the comments of my blog...would I have any liability for your comment?
Cakes - Wise in theory, yes. Now if I could only learn to actually put it into practice in my life!!
Storms,
Still disagreeing but with a smile. (a healthy disagreement) Men may in fact talk about exes a little but not among men too much. Maybe they discuss it with women when it is in context to the situation? My experience is that women engage in this behavior readily and men do not so readily if at all.
You can see that 2 women in comments have now said this is a good idea and men should do it also. The whole idea of writing bashing/negative things about others for public consumption (short of criminal behaviors like pedophilia which the govt handles)is a horrid proposition and a failure in rational social discourse, and the people that run this site should be held accountable. I hope they are sued successfully. Many times. Then beaten with a stick.
7 - You know I love friendly disagreements. I don't think Tammy and Cakes were agreeing with the purpose of the website but rather my observation that one woman's trash is another's treasure. I'll let them tell me if I'm wrong. And I also think they were agreeing with my feeling that if the proprietor of this website feels compelled to protect women from unworthy men they should also feel compelled to protect men from unworthy women.
Now, that being said, I agree that this website is really nothing more than an online Jerry Springer show (although I admit, like Gary, I got a good laugh from it).
We both are approaching this issue from our own experiences but I think making gender generalizations is sketchy at best. And I don't argue that women are better at bashing than men. I just disagree that men, as a whole, don't participate in it. I also wonder if this has anything to do with the difference in communication styles between the sexes? Women tend to be more open to expressing feelings with friends and more sympathetic when listening to it. We tend to relate our own experiences to make the other woman feel like she's not alone. :)
I gotta vote with seven. Guys just let it go. Although I did take a coast-to-coast road trip after the last breakup... writing my ex's phone number on every restroom wall along the way.
Yes I understand Tammy and Cakes point about another womens treasure etc....I am arguing the point that these type sites and this type public discourse is shameful, no matter the gender being 'discussed or exposed' and that when we say we support or participate in such sites we are participating in such disgraceful behavior. Very distasteful indeed. What is to stop me from writing that Melissa in Montana is a screaming schizo bitch with a fat ass and bad hygiene, when in actual fact she is a pefect human and I AM the schizo bastard but I don't understand the facts?
The site owner should be considered a mercenary scum. (Point one)
Point two that I am arguing (good naturedly, I promise I am not angry with anyone)is that women do in fact engage in badmouthing their husbands or boyfriends very readily in public forums and conversations while men conciously refrain from the same. So time for truth or dare. Find me posts from men written in the month of August 2006 where men are bitching and moaning about their mates. For every one you bring me I will bring you ten written by women. I will make the pot sweet by betting you ten grand I can do this.
I do agree with you that women are more open in communicating and sympathizing. This however is not pertinent to the discussion. Being more empathetic or communicative is not license to publicly bash the people you supposedly love, even though it may seem to justify the action and is convenient to fall back upon, it is a lame excuse.
Rick - So there's a difference between outing them on a website and posting their number in a bathroom stall? lol. just kidding.
7 - At no time did I ever deny that SOME women bitch about their mates. My argument is that it's wrong to say ALL women do it. Just as it's wrong to say ALL men refrain from it. :)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
great post. just glad you didn't believe those rumors about me... ;) hey, i'm not on that site, am i? sheesh. lol, that is too funny though.
I'm saying its a 10:1 ratio in blog posts. Or more. Betcha :)
JD - Nope. Nothing on you, Cassanova. I wouldn't believe it anyway. ;)
7 - I do think there's a difference between bashing and bitching but I do agree a fair amount of it goes on.
Sometimes people just bring out the worst in each other. The matchup is so bad that their weaknesses are amplified and their anxiety/anger is doubled. Unless we are talking about a truly psychotic individual, there's somebody out there for everybody. Therefore, I'm with you, Angie. This sort of site on the whole is not worthwhile for finding how the man could act towards YOU.
The person I know who bitches the most about a gender is actually a guy. He bitches all the time, constantly, over and over, about this woman doing him wrong or that one. The list is endless. I have started to wonder that if all 500 people he's dated in his life did him wrong if the problem is not in the woman but the man....
I heard of a lawsuit a short time back, that stemmed from this site. Apparently a woman made a lengthy post about some fellow's shortcomings, bad habits, wrong doings, etc....and he found out about it, claimed most of it was false and got an attorney and sued her. Didn't hear the outcome of the case, but it sounded like he was going to win....
While it may be funny, and a way to vent and mess things up for some loser ex -- It seems it can backfire on you. Everybody is ready to sue, for just about everything these days....bummer.
I wonder why there isn't a corresponding site for men. I certainly could have used one.
While posting information about someone who's just a selfish, evil, lying bugger might in some ways be a public service, and disclosure of a felony (a service this site provides) might indeed save lives, one could easily see where such a tool might be misused.
Everyone's petty in affairs of the heart. It wouldn't surprise me if some of the guys listed on that site were innocent of any wrongdoing, and were perhaps put there by a vindictive ex.
I wonder if the site has had any legal hassles regarding the issue of privacy.
Kira - Thank you for articulating my point. Like you, I have met men who bash every woman they ever went out with. This discussion usually ensues without any provocation which is why I stick to my theory that bashing is based on personality and not sex.
RG - Yep, heard the same story about the lawsuit. I haven't heard of an outcome. The whole thing reminds me of anonymous comments on blogs...if you don't have the guts to put your name behind your statement then what's your statement worth?
X - If they could keep the site regulated to expose married men who claim to be single or men who have committed felonies it could be useful. But when you delve into a he said/she said situation it's hard to separate truth from emotion.
Angie..
You are right.. I am not saying it is a good thing to bash either sex.. what I was saying is that so often men are the object of such bashing that if we have a forum for such a thing men should have the same thing available to them..It would be great if people who were in bad or seemingly bad relationships could move on without feeling the need to bash their former partner.. however this doesn't happen..I try not to say negative things about my ex husband.. he has remarried and is moving on with his life.. I think that is a good thing.. perhaps what was wrong between he and I won't be wrong with them.. just my take on it..
Thanks for saying Ron and I give you hope.. most people around here say we are just sickeningly mushy..lol..
Take Care
TammyJ
Oh, I do not even want to BEGIN to talk about relationships right now.
I have missed coming here and reading your stuff though...I'm pretty sure I'm back! :)
Tammy - Xactly! I still believe there's a distinction between bashing out of vengence and having a legitmate complaint about a not-so-nice human being. The problem is I think it's left to intrepretation as to which is going on.
PQ - I've missed you too, hon. I'm glad you're back!
There is a site out there for exposing such women too. The server went down and we sent a guy to reboot it. After days he is still looking for the server room and refuses to ask for directions.
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