Truth or Dare
Newton theorized that for every action there was a separate but equal reaction. His theory related to motion. In other words, if throw a baseball at your car windshield, the windshield will chip or crack in some manner which is equal to the velocity at which I throw the ball.
It occurred to me that Newton's theory doesn't just apply to motion but to emotion as well. Every action we take causes a separate but equal reaction by someone else. If I do something nice for you, you in turn do something nice back. Again, velocity (or maybe veracity in this case) is a key factor. The larger the action, the larger the reaction. Well, theoretically that's how it works.
Recently I expelled a friend from my life for lying. He'd probably refer to it as telling "versions" of the truth...never outright super-sized lies but also never the whole truth. It was always some version of what happened that fell somewhere in the midst of truth and untruth and contained more holes than Swiss cheese. He did it on a continuous basis and I grew weary of deciphering the "real" truth from the misinformation he provided. I tried to explain my weariness but it was to no avail. No matter what my action was, his reaction was always the same. So, I walked away...in emotional terms the ultimate reaction.
The problem is I wonder if I over-reacted. Where do you draw the line between being a friend and getting sucked into their personal issues? I know I can't fix the issue for him. I know that my actions (or reactions as the case may be) significantly reduced the amount of drama in my own life. I'm wondering if my theory is seriously flawed...that action doesn't always = reaction in the emotional world.
It occurred to me that Newton's theory doesn't just apply to motion but to emotion as well. Every action we take causes a separate but equal reaction by someone else. If I do something nice for you, you in turn do something nice back. Again, velocity (or maybe veracity in this case) is a key factor. The larger the action, the larger the reaction. Well, theoretically that's how it works.
Recently I expelled a friend from my life for lying. He'd probably refer to it as telling "versions" of the truth...never outright super-sized lies but also never the whole truth. It was always some version of what happened that fell somewhere in the midst of truth and untruth and contained more holes than Swiss cheese. He did it on a continuous basis and I grew weary of deciphering the "real" truth from the misinformation he provided. I tried to explain my weariness but it was to no avail. No matter what my action was, his reaction was always the same. So, I walked away...in emotional terms the ultimate reaction.
The problem is I wonder if I over-reacted. Where do you draw the line between being a friend and getting sucked into their personal issues? I know I can't fix the issue for him. I know that my actions (or reactions as the case may be) significantly reduced the amount of drama in my own life. I'm wondering if my theory is seriously flawed...that action doesn't always = reaction in the emotional world.
posted by xwy at 8:00 AM
8 Comments:
I'm pretty sure your theory is correct. It's called Karma, and you're perfectly within your rights to walk away from someone else's drama. Particularly when it involves dishonesty.
Rick - You're probably right. The more I think about it the more I realize that even if I had reacted differently in that situation the eventual outcome would have been the same. There's just a part of me that wonders...if everyone walks away from everyone else..what will we be left with?
We can't really help people until they are in a position where they let us help. Lying often means they aren't.
I cannot answer the question you pose. I can only tell you my tendency, which is to distance myself from the friendship. At some point, I have to trust my friends. If I cannot trust them, then what I have is not a friendship, but rather a co-dependency.
You gave it your best shot. You explained to this person how you feel about their dishonesty. This person did not honor that need. I don't think you overreacted. I don't see where you had any real choice but to do what you have done.
A true friend should be and can be honest with you on just about anything/everything. Dishonesty chips away at the very mortar of a friendship and I agree with you....any significant dishonesty violates the bond....It's sad...but I agree with you.
You already know what you need to know about your friend. You are the only one that can make such a choice.
His fabrications may be a habit or they may be a sign of hiding from truth not worth your time, only you can decide.
Do we get back what we give? Not always, but the polar thought to this is that if you give nothing you usually receive nothing.
All - Thank you for your thoughts. They are all very true and confirmed what I already knew.
You made an attempt to discuss your concerns, but since it did not yield any effect, there was no other option for you. Life is too beautiful to play dramas.
Btw, first time visitor here... Like the way your write.
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