My Tin Foil Hats

The final installment of X's interview. Enjoy...

What’s your favorite conspiracy theory, and why?
Sheesh, I could have written an entire dissertation on this question alone. When most people think of conspiracy buffs they picture a paunchy, middle aged guy wearing a tin foil hat while sitting in the basement of his parents’ house. This may be true in some cases but most conspiracy theorists I’ve come into contact with are actually highly intellectual people who see something amiss and dig deeper. Or as my boss would put it “give it the smell test”. If it doesn’t smell right it probably isn’t. Talk to a conspiracy buff and you’ll find someone who knows more about history than just what was taught in your high school or college textbooks. But, I digress, on with the answer…There are actually 2 that I try follow on a somewhat regular basis.

JFK assassination – There are a million and one conspiracy theories about this assassination. What keeps me interested in this topic is that too many things don’t add up. How does a guy with U.S. military training defect to the Soviet Union at the height of the Cold War then return to the U.S. to re-claim his citizenship with not so much as a peep from the government? How does a guy who, according to which account you believe, couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a bulldozer fire 3 shots in 15 seconds and manage to blow out the brains of the sitting American President? Before he can be tried, or for that matter properly interrogated, he himself is killed in front of the entire Dallas police department by a supposed vigilante. As of yet, no one has accounted for how the third man was shot in Dealey Plaza, especially since he was nowhere near the motorcade (well, except for him…he compiled his own conspiracy theory and had it published). And where the hell is Kennedy’s brain? In April 1968, civil rights activist Martin Luther King was assassinated, again by a supposed lone, crazed gunman. In June 1968, JFK’s brother and then presidential candidate Robert Kennedy was assassinated by yet another lone, crazed gunman. Apparently in the ‘60s it was very vogue to be a lone, crazed gunman. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Add the assassination of South Korean leader and U.S. puppet Diem twenty days prior to the JFK assassination and Kennedy's limited withdrawal of troops from the war in the weeks leading up to his assassination.

And what about Vietnam? Kennedy was searching for a way to get the hell out - quickly. In less than a year after the assassination, Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution based on 2 reports of unfriendly fire on U.S. destroyers. The second of these incidents, the attack on the USS Turner, was deemed to have been a fabrication according to a 2005 NSA report (similar to the whole WMD debacle). The Resolution effectively gave then President Johnson free reign in SE Asia. My opinion is that the whole thing stinks worse than week old fish. Someone was desperate to stay in Vietnam…the question is, why?

The second conspiracy theory that has recently caught my attention is probably going to gain me permanent membership in the tin foil hat club but here it goes. Originally it started as a quest to gain more information about the Nag Hammadi Library (aka Dead Sea Scrolls) after my curiosity was piqued by the movie Stigmata and then piqued again by The DaVinci Code. I was raised Presbyterian which means that I was taught to interpret the stories of the Christian Bible as fables rather than historical fact with the exception of a few, namely the birth as well as the crucifixion and subsequent resurrection. In reading the Scrolls and the subsequent research, I came across statements that the crucifixion of Jesus was faked. Actually one of the Gospels found at Nag Hammadi explains how the crucifixion was faked and contains some rather snarky comments from Jesus about how He fooled the Romans. Further research revealed a supposed burial site in India.

Is there any truth to this? Some, but I haven’t had much time to properly research this theory yet. If true, it could be the biggest conspiracy in history. Why does it appeal to me? To tell the truth, the mere idea of something being false that I've been taught to believe for so long drives me to flesh this out. I need to be able to say that I checked it out and either I believe it to be possible or I don't. When you boil it all down, that need is what drives any researcher.

Thanks to my dear friend, X, for dragging me kicking and screaming back into the blogosphere.

The Continuation of the X Interview

If you could take the most pleasant aspects of every city you’ve lived in, and form a new city (1) what would you call it, and (2) what’s cool to do in this town on a Saturday night?

I grew up in a tiny village in rural Ohio. Every one I knew grew up on a farm. Every one they knew grew up on a farm. Cultural diversity was a term that I didn’t become familiar with until I went to college. I began dating a guy from Puerto Rico (ok, not the wilds of say, Zimbabwe but it was a start). After meeting his friends, I realized that I wasted 3 years of my precious, young life in high school Spanish class because it took me about 5 minutes to arrive at the painful consensus that I didn’t know jack. I could barely speak conversational Spanish and I knew absolutely nothing about their culture. After a few pitchers of beer and a pizza, it didn’t matter. We were chatting like close friends. That was when I realized that, as corny as it sounds; food really can bring people together.

If I had to create a new town it would have a central marketplace like the ones found in Asia, Africa and South America. Filled with vendors selling fresh meat, veggies, fruit, nuts…anything you could possibly want to eat. And street vendors selling homemade delicacies from around the world. Stop…I know what you’re thinking. There would be no deep fried Twinkies in this joint. No hot dogs steamed in water that looks like it was pumped from the septic tank in my backyard. I’m talking fresh food from Mom & Pop vendors. Wouldn’t it be nice to just pop over to the mercado for quick, tasty and somewhat nutritious lunch or dinner rather than eating at Mickey D’s…again? Who cares if you can’t pronounce it or don’t really know what it’s made of. Usually if you can point to it, you can order it. And if it smells good, it’s more than likely going to taste great (one rule: nothing made from rat. I don’t care how good it smells/tastes, I ain’t eating rat). There would be tables everywhere so you could sit down, chow on your grub and discuss the fine art of how to suck on a crawfish head without popping out the eyes with someone you just met.

Each weekend the marketplace would be filled with music from different cultures. A little steel drums and reggae in one quadrant, maybe some Salsa in another and of course, my favorite band du jour in the middle of it all (hey, I’m putting out the money here). Did I mention the alcohol? Drinks from all over the world as well. You could literally start with a pint of Guinness, be transported by sake and bring the night to a close with a few shots of sugar cane liquor from South America. Although, I wouldn’t recommend that particular combo unless you plan on showing one and all that scrumptious sashimi you ate for dinner. And free cab rides home so I don’t have to scrape your arses off the street at bar close.

Evidently the creative portion of my brain shut down today because I'm having trouble coming up with a name for this imaginary town. Any suggestions???

Tomorrow, one last question from X....about conspiracies.....

Xdell's Fiendish Attempt to Get Me Posting Again

My dear friend, Xdell, whom I love and adore, asked if he could interview me. I thought maybe dementia had finally set in as I could find no other reason why the great one would want to interview little ol’ me. I’ll do anything for X so I, of course, agreed to do it. I figured he’d send me a few questions, I’d respond and he’d post it on his blog. Not so fast there, Missy. The instructions were to post the answers on my blog, which of course, hasn’t contained a new post for almost a year. Sneaky one, aren’t you X? ;) So I guess I’m posting again. Yes, you can take bets on how long I keep up with it this time around. On with the questions…and answers….

Imagine that you’re the founder and president of a successful proprietary company. What’s your product, or service?
Why Giant Atomic Chicken slaying, of course. See below. Ooooo, maybe I could get a cool X-men type leather uniform to do the slaying in. Wait…if I remember correctly, SJ’s pact with Satan brought forth the Giant Atomic Chickens in the first place. Oh well, maybe if I cut him in on the cash flow and throw a few souls his way, he’ll be ok with me destroying a few chickens. You’d pay a couple of grand to keep from being Giant Atomic Chicken fodder, wouldn’t you???

About a year ago, SJ wrote that you were the only human he would rescue from the Giant Atomic Chickens. Were you able to subsequently subdue the beasts, would you be partial to the breast, thigh, wing or drumstick?
If I remember correctly the whole idea of making the chickens atomic was so no one would decide to feed a small nation with them. But I do love me some chicken wings, especially giant fiery hot atomic ones. The only problem is that you maintain a green glow for the next 10 years (not to mention the digestive tract implications). Hmmm, I wonder if I can get those in spicy teriyaki.

Who are the top 10 fictional characters you would love to date (cannot be a real person, only a fictional character)?

1. Atticus Finch – To Kill a Mockingbird is my favorite book. Set in the Deep South, prior to the Civil Rights movement, Atticus accepts the challenge of defending a black man against false rape charges. Knowing that he would be ostracized by friends and family, knowing that it possibly meant harm to himself and his children, he did it because it was the right thing to do. Now, really…who among us would turn down a date with a man that honorable?
2. Chris Neilson – If you’ve never seen What Dreams May Come, rent it NOW. I’m not one for ushy-gushy love stories – I didn’t even cry during Titanic – but this one makes me cry every time. This is the man – the love – for which I search. Added bonus: I’m a big Monet fan so the scene in the painting always reminds me of what it would be like to walk around inside one of the master’s works.
3. Maximus - Blessed father, watch over my wife and son with a ready sword. Whisper to them that I live only to hold them again, for all else is dust and air. Ancestors, I honor you and will try to live with the dignity that you have taught me. *sighs* Seriously, what woman wouldn’t want to date this man???? Mmmm. The fact that the thought of Maximus conjures images of Russell Crowe in that short gladiator uniform helps the cause.
4. Aragorn - Admittedly, I chose Aragorn based on the LOTR movies, not the books. I tried reading the series when I was younger and frankly, couldn’t get through it. From what I can tell, Aragorn was a bit more self-assured in the books. I think I’ll stick with Aragorn from the movies. I like my men with a few faults.
5. Hawk-eye – Ok, this is partially a cop out as Hawk-eye, Maximus and Aragorn are essentially the same character. The hero of James Fennimore Cooper’s Last of the Mohicans. Honestly, I would have thrown William Wallace (Braveheart) into the mix as well, but, alas he wasn’t fictional.
6. Hobbes (of Calvin & Hobbes fame) – Obviously, Hobbes is the more mature of the 2 lovable characters, and the only one I might add that doesn’t think girls are G.R.O.S.S. which heightens my chances, right??
7. Prince Charming- Cinderella. ‘Nuff said.
8. Wolverine – Ok, I admit the image of Hugh Jackman (SFW with ‘whoa momma I want me some of that’ pic) in leather makes me quiver but it’s not solely Hugh that makes Wolverine so attractive. I’ve had a thing for Wolverine long before the X-Men movies came out. Maybe it’s the bad boy attitude. Maybe it’s the smart ass remarks. Nah, I think it’s the hair. Note to self: Add handcuffs to the head board. Gotta watch where those claws are at all times. Ouch!
9. Dracula – No, not the character as portrayed in Bram Stoker’s novel, nor most of the hundreds of interpretations. Only the Dracula from the Coppola 1992 remake will do for this girl. I’m not certain if it was Coppola or Gary Oldham who came up with the idea to romanticize – almost humanize – Dracul in this interpretation. Even Stoker himself never made me feel anything but contempt for the monster. But Coppola/Oldham made me feel sorrow for his predicament, made me want to free him – or join him. The scene in the bedroom of the sanatorium, while the men are out looking for Dracula, he comes to Mina in the form of a mist under the bed sheets. The moment when he stops her from drinking his blood – from joining him in eternal life - because he cannot bear the thought of her eternal damnation. That scene does it for me every time. It makes me think of him not as a horrible monstrosity but rather simply as a man, in love with a woman. Whew!
10. Linus Larrabee – Sabrina is one of my favorite movies. I picked Linus because the character is the epitome of a type A personality, someone who is driven by excellence and a need to succeed. It’s extremely hard for him to admit that he needs anything or anyone. I admire the character for his ability to not only realize his faults but to overcome them.

Stay tuned. The interview continues tomorrow......