Meme #4867

Since I never finished my '100 things about me' here's a meme for your viewing pleasure....not that you don't already know more information about me than you ever wanted to....

1. What color are your kitchen plates? Paper. Unless you're coming for dinner, then I'll pull out the heavy duty plastic ones...they come in different colors.
2. What book are you currently reading? The Historian.
3. What's on your mouse pad? A reminder that my employer is wonderful. Hmmm, I bet the 650 people laid off last week would beg to differ.
4. The Thing You Look Forward To the Most? The day my mom finally stops referring to me as the 'unmarried, childless one'.
5. Your favorite Smell? Fresh brewed coffee on a cold morning. Oh wait...fresh brewed coffeel and the ocean on a bright sunny day. Even sweeter if you're on vacation!
6. Your least favorite smell? This is a tie between Pachouli, nursing homes and that thing in the bottom of the garbage can. Why is it that something always ends up decaying in the bottom of the garbage can? And mine's so tall I have to climb inside to retrieve it. Yeeeeeck!
7. What's the first thing you think when you wake up in the morning? Weekdays: 5. more. minutes. On Weekends: aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh *rolls back over*.
8. Biggest Fear? Not being around to see Parker grow up.
9. What's most important in life? Having fun.
10. Chocolate or Vanilla? Depends is it good chocolate or just ok chocolate? If it's good chocolate I'll take it. If it tastes like a chemical experiment gone awry...I'll take the vanilla.
11. Do you like to drive fast? Yes. Unfortunately in Atlanta you can't do that without running over 120 cars in front of you.
12. Favorite TV show? Right this second....Ghost Hunters on Sci-Fi. It may not be real but it scares the poop out of me (which I enjoy). Or maybe Gray's Anatomy or Heroes or Ugly Betty. Is it me or did TV get better this year??????
13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? No, but when I was little I slept with a stuffed elephant that had a pink ball glued on the end of his trunk. I got him at the circus. I still have him somewhere but the pink ball has fallen off.
14. Storms - scary or not? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease. I love a good storm. I'll walk outside and watch the sky for hours. Until the tornado siren goes off...then you'll find me under the bed. Been there. Done that. Not fun.
15. First Car? 1976 Ford Mustang. It was white with blue pleather interior. I bought it myself. My friends made fun of me because it wasn't new. They had no appreciation for cars. hmpf.
16. If you could meet one person? Lee Harvey Oswald...in the time between the assassination and his own death.
17. What's your sign? Will work for sex. Oh, THAT sign...Capricorn.
18. If you could have any job, what would it be? I'd really love it if someone would pay me to blog all day, or investigate conspiracy theories, or ooooooooooooo be one of the people on the Travel Channel who review hotels and resorts for a living. Now THAT would be fun.
19. If you could have any color hair, what would it be? Once you start seeing gray, you don't care as long as it's any color BUT gray.
20. Is the glass half full or half empty? Actually, it's completely empty right now. Time for more coffee.
21. Ketchup or Mustard? Ketchup on fries. Mustard on everything else.
22. What's under your bed? I watched Halloween, Final Destination and Dawn of the Dead last night so, of course, right now Michael Myers, the Grim Reaper and a flesh eating zombie are under my bed.
23. What screensaver is on your computer right now? A picture from the Kenny Chesney concert taken with my crappy camera. I hope Santa brings me a new one this year. I've been very good. ;) *note to Santa: forget the camera...just bring Kenny*
24. Do you have any pets? I time-share a miniature schnauzer with a friend. Yes, that means I dog sit for vacations and whenever the dog needs a break from the 2 year old.
25. The best place you've ever been? Grandma's house :)

The Death of Dodgeball

A school in Massachusetts recently banned tag, touch football and other unsupervised games during recess for fear of children getting hurt and their parents suing the school for allowing it to happen. This is the same system that banned dodgeball because it was exclusionary and dangerous (exclusionary? isn't that the entire point of dodgeball...to eliminate everyone from the other team?). Other schools around the country have banned tag and one has banned all unsupervised contact games. Aaaaah, yes...America...land of the free...unless you want to play a good game of tag, then you're sh*t out of luck. I'm torn....do I poke fun at the absurdity of the school systems or at our society's litigious nature? Maybe I should point out that banning games at recess that require kids to run around for 10 or 15 minutes is probably not the thing to do while the country is battling an obesity epidemic?

If school systems are really worried about unnecessary lawsuits then there are a few other things I think they should ban (although, in light of recent events, I really think they should invest their time in tightening security):

1. Jacks. Jacks are sharp and could puncture the skin if a jack rolled away and was stepped on by a passerby.
2. Pencil sharpeners. Very dangerous. What happens if a child sticks their finger inside one? And those little personal pencil sharpeners...well, they contain blades which could injure a careless child. Not to mention they can be broken apart and the blades used as weapons. (Note: I take no responsibility for any kids who stumble upon this post and take ideas from it)
3. Pencils. The culprit of many a lead poisoning case by accidental or purposeful breakage.
4. Hopscotch. With all that hopping and scotching someone is liable to fall and skin their knee. And don't get me started on the little rock used to mark the spot. That's a tripping hazard waiting to happen.
5. Slides. How many of us have received 3rd degree burns on our bums from going down a slide on a hot day?
6. Underwear. The cause of many a wedgie incident.
7. Indian burns, ti*ie twisters, pink belly...enough said.

In short, if the school systems really want to avoid lawsuits I'd suggest that they require that all kids be wrapped in bubble wrap prior to attending school each day. All lawsuits regarding rashes developed from wearing bubble wrap should be directed to the bubble wrap manufacturer.

She heard the knock on the door and reached to open it. As her hand grasped the doorknob her body began to ache as the hurt once again flowed through it. She didn't need to look; she knew it was him. She wondered how he always managed to appear the instant she'd moved on.

She thought back on their time together. She knew much happier times had once existed. But they were so distant. The memories of him now seemed to all be filled with tears. She fought hard to remember his eyes and their laughter. She loved his eyes; they were expressive like hers. Reading them was the only way she ever knew what he was thinking.

The pain crept in forcing her back to reality. She wished things could be different, like they were when they first met. But she knew why he was here. He didn't want to walk through the door; only to know that it was still open. It was an entryway that his ego used for refueling. Esteem restored, he would disappear back into the darkness until he needed her again.

She looked at the door one last time and then walked away. There was no need to lock it. Turning the knob himself required more effort than he was willing to put forth.

LGIO #1

It's Friday so that means it's time to get it on. I've been hearing a lot of complaints from my male friends about women who don't like p*rnos...or more specifically women who won't admit to liking p*rn movies. I'll admit I've lied about it in the past. I can't completely sully my 'girl next door' image, can I?

Well...it wasn't exactly a lie. It was one of those late night conversations that you have early on in a relationship...when you're too excited discovering things about your new love interest to care about sleep. The topic of p*rnos came up. My response was that I'd watched them before and it didn't do anything for me. That was the truth as I knew it at that moment. When I was much younger I'd dated an older guy who would pop a movie in occassionally. It truly didn't do anything for me. I was in my early 20s...what did I know? I could practically org*sm on command back then! I didn't need p*rn to increase the excitement...I was already at warp speed.

Said love interest obviously was bent on challenging my previous statement and brought over a DVD one night. I intently watched as the guy in the movie got it on with every woman he met. About 10 minutes into the movie, I could stand it no longer. I was starting to perspire. My entire body was tingling. I needed some lovin' NOW! I stood up, stripped off my clothes and climbed on top of him. It was some of the hottest s*x I've ever had.

So, yes, I enjoy watching a good p*rno now and then. It's still not something I go around telling total strangers (but evidently, I'll admit to it in a public forum, lol). Ladies, do you enjoy it? Do you admit to it or lie about it when asked? And guys, what's the big deal? Does it really matter if we do or don't? Do you use the answer to the question as a barometer of the woman's openess to other things?

Have a burning question you want answered? Leave a suggestion in your comment.

Said Pics

For those of you who requested pics...both of you. lol.

This is the giant peni...I mean peanut. After all, Georgia is the peanut capitol of the world. And you knew I would have to request a picture in front of a giant phallic object!

Yours truly, Micki and Cassia nicely buzzed before the concert

And afterward, all sweaty from partying!

For Reasons of Avoiding Prosecution.....

I had a great time hanging out this weekend with my adopted family in south Georgia. We went to the Georgia National Fair (I still haven't figured out why they call it a National fair) and saw Gretchen Wilson in concert. That particular area of the state doesn't allow the sale of adult beverages so we conned someone else into driving and put a cooler full of beer in the back of the SUV. Then we said a little prayer that we didn't get jailed for breaking the open container law by imbibing said beverages on the looooong ride further into the Land of Cotton. Once there, we snuck back to the car several times to imbibe some more. Some imbibed more than others. *coughs* lol. We finally got smart and filled a Coke bottle with whiskey (and a splash of Coke). Which worked until Cassia and I got busted. Ahhhh, I felt like a teenager again. Funny, there's something much more shameful about getting busted by concert security when you're in your 30s... Much more debauchery ensued over the course of the night, but...*ahem*....for reasons of avoiding prosecution those adventures will not be discussed further...

Thanks to Micki for using her super powers to get us backstage! Standing next to Gretchen made me feel like a big cow. She's teeeeeeny tiny and very sweet. The music was great. I hate going to a live performance and discovering that the real talent you hear on their CD came from behind the mixing board. This concert, however, was no disappointment.

As expected I woke yesterday to a slight headache and a feeling that I hadn't slept in 3 days which was a subtle reminder from my body of why I don't drink like that anymore. lol. I crawled to the car, grabbed a Coke, slipped Nickelback into the CD player (which surprisingly didn't bother the headache) and started the long drive back to reality. Realizing that I can listen to Nickelback again, be reminded of someone and not wonder what might have been...made me turn it up a little louder.

***I'll add some photos later. Blogger is being a butt....again...and won't let me post them.

Let's Get It On

I'm leaving this afternoon to spend a weekend of debauchery with Micki in South Georgia. There will be alcohol and another concert involved. Mommas lock up your sons.

I'm getting bored with blogging about my dating life all the time...and I'm sure ya'll are tired of hearing it too. I've noticed that I have a pretty good mix between male and female, married and single readers. This mix usually promotes a fairly good discussion highlighting the differences between how men and women not only perceive subjects but also how they communicate. Keeping this in mind, I've decided to spice my blog up a bit. Friday's will officially become Let's Get It On Day with topics devoted to getting it on. *Note, words will be "coded" as much as possible to attempt to fool the totalitarian IT regime at some of your workplaces. I'm not looking to turn this into a s*x blog but rather a discussion between the sexes about things you've always wondered about....why does your guy roll over and snooze immediately after wild monkey sessions?, do women really find p*rn videos disgusting?, etc......

Let me know what you think of this and if you'd find it interesting. I've got a few topics in mind to start off but feel free to submit subjects for discussion...a smutty version of random question day, if you will. I'll answer in a future post and open the issue for discussion. And, just a note to the person who emailed me a few weeks ago to declare their fetish about the anesthesia given at the dentist's office....please seek help, you scare me.

Smells like...Desperation

My mom and I had our normal bi-weekly call tonight which went something like this:

Mom: Have you talked to 'Ohio boy' lately?
Me: No, not since June. Why?
Mom: Well, I was talking to your aunt the other day and I told her if you didn't get married soon that you never will. Your window of opportunity is closing. He's probably the best one you've dated in the last 3 years. She's going to have drinks with his friend later this week to find out his status.

Sirens went off in my head. I'm not sure if I was more upset by the fact that my mom and aunt are plotting the next move in my love life or that my mom has decided I have a mere 3 or 4 years left until she starts referring to me as 'the old maid'. I asked her if, instead of being the old lady at the end of the street with 500 cats in the house, I could possibly have goldfish instead. I'm allergic to cats and well...goldfish won't eat you when you die. She didn't think it was funny.

Great. Why do I get the feeling I'm going to have to call 'Ohio boy' and apologize before this is all said and done?